Who are you trying to protect?

In the disease of addiction, one of the many symptoms is the difficulty in being honest, from the person struggling but also from the family members.  It is part of our DNA to protect ourselves and dishonesty seems to be a staple for those whom much is at stake.  Mothers and Fathers want to spare their kids from the realities of consequence to the point of deceit and lies.  Parents hide the truth about their illness to the point of putting young children at risk, hiding hurts and trauma to the point of death itself.  Everyone on earth has experienced the poisonous tendrils of the lie.  It takes up residence in our hearts and minds and taints anything it touches.  It is a prideful thing.  It always needs to be justified, and its destruction becomes our reality if left untended.

One of the ways we get sober and find life in recovery is through three simple words; (HOW)  Honesty, Openness, and WIllingness.  It is the HOW of recovery and the three work in tandem, not independently.  In honesty we become willing.  Through our openness, we see the absolute truth, and with a willingness, we can open ourselves up to the future before us.  This hope for recovery isn’t just for the one who struggles with addiction, but for the family too.  Each person separate and apart from each other can find true recovery.

Honesty doesn’t come easy.  It can be very difficult and is incredibly vulnerable. So we walk through it like any other difficult thing.  One step at a time.  One tool I have found helpful is to ask myself who or what am I trying to protect?  Remembering that wholeness and healing is our goal, we no longer take the easy path and bypass natural consequence.  In fact, we begin to welcome the consequence.  It releases us from the burden of the lie.  It uncovers truth more than any other thing.  Consequences are the great teacher.  The consequence is what breeds truth to the point of being unable to deny a specific thing.  Addiction is a disease where truth is the treatment. A friend once told me “If we can be honest about where we are, we can get where we need to go.”    And we can love those that struggle and their families by being honest.  Giving each person the dignity of their own ‘real’ experience.  We are not loving those if we deny these things.  Love is walking with someone into the freedom of truth.